Hints from Heloise: Spunk SILICONE Lube Edition

So, once again, I don’t know if my review will be a significant stimulator (!) in the roundtable discussion of “how can I better insert THIS part into this OTHER part?” so we’re going off on a tangent!

I’m not a fan of silicone lubes, just, out of the gate.  They always feel super lube-y and I almost can’t deal with the frustration of “once this goes on it, you can’t put it back in your mouth.” That’s the worst for me.  Now I don’t at all consider myself a lube connoisseur – I’m uncircumcised and ridiculously pre-cummy so it’s just never been something I’ve NEEDED, alone anyway – but I’ll always take a water-based situation that can go in my mouth, over a longer lasting, better gliding silicone choice when it comes to other peoples’ parts. 

And this was no exception.  Especially with my toys of choice, silicone lubricant was advised as a “DO NOT DO THIS, DUMMY. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU”  situation.

So I guess we stick to water-based boringness, and lots and lots of my saliva, my dear fleshlight (easily the longest-term relationship I’ve ever had).

As for you, buttplug, I don’t know what to tell you. I think we’re at a bottoming impasse.  I can’t get enough lube situated to properly deal with how much you hurt, and I can’t use slicker lube, because you’ll melt or explode or something.  Chemistry.  I don’t know.

And for my clients, I never experiment with new products on someone who has hired me.  That’s just bad form.  I always come prepared with a fragrance/flavor free water based lube (and again, lots and lots of saliva) when I know I’m gonna be on the job.

So what to do with this bottle of silicone lube that I don’t really NEED on my cock, or WANT on my toys?  Remembering back to my days as a Pet Supermarket GM -it’s a long story that isn’t very interesting (and I come out looking like I hate hamsters which are totally cute) – I had flashes of a spray we used to sell for competition grooming, for long haired dogs.  Now, I’m not TOTALLY proud of this, but I definitely used this spray on my own head multiple times, and can tell you for certain that it totally works and is awesome so whatever you guys can suck it I don’t even care. I used dog spray on my head.

Now, if you’ll remember to my other post, I have many many many many kinds of conditioners and oils for my hair, some of which never even get used.  But I will be damned if this sex lube, frugally applied while my hair dried (I rhyme now!), didn’t give me the best shine and sleeknees of anything outside the salon.  I was shocked.  My summer hair thing is braids – think Game of Thrones, not Pippi Longstocking – and I have started using this as my braid gel! You only need a teeeeeeeny tiny little bit of this to coat your palms as you work, but it keeps the hair shiny and flat and prevents little flyaways and stragglers!  It’s brilliant! Ladies, if you can get over having fake jizz in your hair, I highly recommend this.  Fellas, if you’re reading this, you probably have actual jizz in your hair about as often as I do, so it’s probably not a whole big deal.  But TRY THIS. It’s totally worth it. 

This one does have a little ‘after-lube’  sensation to it that I can still feel on my hands.  But maybe I just shut up and start washing my hands better from now on.  Thank you JEFF, as always.  This picture someone took of me on the way to the gym is for you:

Me, with Spunk Lube SILICONE as my leave-in conditioner.

U101 Review System Rubric:
Review Ratings:

Wanking material – I’d use this to wank, but might hide the bottle…

Bring a friend – Not only would I use this to wank, I’d bring it out for my one night stands…

Pick a position – I’ll use this to wank, I’ll use it with one night stands, and hell…pick a position and you can use this with me anytime, anyplace!

All night long – this is the best lube I’ve tried and wanted it to last All Night Long!!!
This one gets the same rating as the HYBRID version, simply because of how well it worked for this, entirely non-sex-related function.  I’ll keep this on hand always for this one particular use. Plus I like leaving things like this on the surfaces in the bathroom so that my heterosexual roommate’s guests can feel juuuuuuuust slightly uncomfortable about what might be happening in there sometimes.

**UPDATE!**

I spilled a bunch of this, by accident, on my bedroom hardwood floors, and @undiesboy was smart enough to advise treating it like a chemical spill with rice or flour.  I did a combo of both, and it was quickly mopped right up!  I left the cleanup material on it overnight and it was easily swept up the next day!  Now my floor is a little bit slippy, but also super shiny! ANOTHER great thing Spunk Lube brings to your table!  It’s a secret floor polish! 😀